She’s gone

I’ve lost her too. Jewel. My last friend. Rachel sucked her in too. Rachel got her thinking all the same crap that she pumped into Marisol’s head. Rachel is a sociopathic worm. And by the time I realised that, it was too late. She had already taken Jewel away.

I guess it’s just me and my mother now.

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What’s THAT supposed to achieve???

So apparently changing your blog URL is going to stop me from being able to reblog your posts. I don’t know if that’s like, so I can’t find them or something, but I tell you they were pretty darn easy to find via a Google search. And thanks for the block, too, because now I might as well just reblog something I want to “like” on your blog, instead of just “liking” it.

Looks like this blog thing isn’t quite working out…

Back when I started this blog, I started it as a place where I can be myself and not have others controlling my content. I wanted to post what I wanted and not get banned by an up-tight admin member. I wanted a place where I can choose who can comment and what they can say, and where those who criticise and insult me can be banned, instead of them banning me. The idea sounded good.

But it was bound to be too good to be true. A certain blogger who’s name I am not allowed to mention and who’s posts I have reblogged multiple times has decided that she can tell me what I can and can’t post. So while the blog may be clear of any offending material, my email inbox certainly isn’t…

My friend had the same idea

Well she’s not really my friend anymore, but still, it seems that we both went out with our canes for the first time yesterday! (c.f. Too much of a conincidence)

http://that-blind-biid-blog.tumblr.com/post/126216069187/i-actually-got-to-go-outside-blind-with-my-cane

 I ACTUALLY GOT TO GO OUTSIDE BLIND WITH MY CANE

IT WAS SO EXCITING

And while I was at a loss for words and couldn’t really figure out how to describe the feeling that I had yesterday, she (being better than me at putting things into words) pretty much summed it up in her post describing her own feelings:

http://that-blind-biid-blog.tumblr.com/post/126228760377/oh-man-i-really-loved-that-blind-trip-i-need-to

Oh man, I really loved that blind trip. I need to do it again sometimes. That cane makes me feel complete. I feel like I can be myself for once and be free. It’s insane.

She might say that my issue is not BIID because, according to her, it doesn’t exhibit itself in exactly the same way as her’s does, but all I can say is that the above quote is exactly how I felt as well.

I wish I could talk to her about it though – you know, exchange thoughts and experiences and such like…

Lost two close friends…

So as an aspie I’ve never really known how one decides that an acquaintance is now a “friend” and not just someone that you know. I think the change normally happens when I’ve sent or received an email from them at least three times a week for two weeks straight, and at least two of those emails were sent by the other person without any prompting (i.e. that they actually care about communicating with me, not just replying to my questions). I’ve also never really known what it means to “lose” a friend, or how that happens. Until now.Read More »

Pretending as a form of therapy for BIID

I can cite many better sources, but let me just cite these two from my friend with BIID – they say it all, anyway:

http://that-one-blind-blog.tumblr.com/post/124164774422/pretending-at-work-while-taking-walks-has-really

Pretending at work while taking walks has really helped, and the great thing about it is that it doesn’t really distract from my ability to work. It’s helped my psyche tremendously, it’s almost crazy to compare the two.

http://that-one-blind-blog.tumblr.com/post/124216036622/you-know-sometimes-people-say-that-its

The only thing that’s taken away the self harming urges is by pretending to be blind. Is this coping strategy, the only thing that makes my vision bearable enough where I don’t want to destroy it, truly as terrible as it seems when I truly tried my alternatives?

I didn’t want to turn this post – or the entire blog, for that matter – into a rant about my mother, but I think that’s what it’s becoming. Because I know that she reads my friend’s blog, and those of many other people with all the different variants of BIID, and she still says that pretending is not going to help me and only make things worse. Sometimes I wish she would cite her sources – because I am most likely correct to say that she doesn’t have any.

Stack Exchange is unfair

I used to complain about Stack Exchange because I found that the quality and accuracy of the answers given was low, questions often turned into flamewars without getting answered, and hackish coding was encouraged simply because the community members did not have enough programming experience to recognise what is and isn’t hackish.

However, I have observed that the quality of the community has improved somewhat and as of late I have found many useful solutions and some very elegant hacks on the site, and I almost always find a neat solution to my problems rather than just another opinion argument. And I have also tried to participate in the community – after all, I might as well give something back in the areas where I am knowledgeable – and while the few questions that I have asked have been answered very promptly and I am impressed with the overall knowledge of most users and their patience at helping the co-operating newbie, it is when I came to answer questions that my problems began.Read More »

IRC admins

Why does every IRC channel have such up-tight admins? I mean, I just have Asperger’s, asked two questions which I thought were relevant but which happened to be ever-so-slightly off-topic, and asked one of the admins to stop giving me the “assburgers” insult. Instead of stopping, he banned me! And when I contacted the other admins, they were on his side.

It’s not the first time that something like this has happened, and I seriously doubt that it’s the last either…

Micheal Johnson