Pretending can be a pain sometimes

Sometimes you really just don’t feel like pretending to be blind, even when you know that it’s needed for your mental health.

Micheal Johnson


Accidental words

So there’s this game that the users of an aspie forum that I am on sometimes play, where one user posts a word then the next posts the first word that comes to mind after reading the previous user’s word and so on, and sometimes I participate in the game (it’s an ongoing thread, with over 5000 posts). I haven’t posted for a while, and of course the very last word posted had to be the word “accident”. Following that the word “blind” immediately came to mind, as did a small outbreak of BIID again…


I am forced to choose between coping with blindness and coping with BIID. I think I’ll choose the blindness option, as it’s easier to cope with something that you actually want anyway.

Micheal Johnson

Lost two close friends…

So as an aspie I’ve never really known how one decides that an acquaintance is now a “friend” and not just someone that you know. I think the change normally happens when I’ve sent or received an email from them at least three times a week for two weeks straight, and at least two of those emails were sent by the other person without any prompting (i.e. that they actually care about communicating with me, not just replying to my questions). I’ve also never really known what it means to “lose” a friend, or how that happens. Until now.Read More »

Pretending as a form of therapy for BIID

I can cite many better sources, but let me just cite these two from my friend with BIID – they say it all, anyway:

Pretending at work while taking walks has really helped, and the great thing about it is that it doesn’t really distract from my ability to work. It’s helped my psyche tremendously, it’s almost crazy to compare the two.

The only thing that’s taken away the self harming urges is by pretending to be blind. Is this coping strategy, the only thing that makes my vision bearable enough where I don’t want to destroy it, truly as terrible as it seems when I truly tried my alternatives?

I didn’t want to turn this post – or the entire blog, for that matter – into a rant about my mother, but I think that’s what it’s becoming. Because I know that she reads my friend’s blog, and those of many other people with all the different variants of BIID, and she still says that pretending is not going to help me and only make things worse. Sometimes I wish she would cite her sources – because I am most likely correct to say that she doesn’t have any.

Made a new friend with BIID

I’ve mentioned here before about my friends with BIID. Specifically, two friends with blindness-variant BIID. One being a German lady in her 40s and the other being an American lady in her 20s whose picture I have previously reblogged. And today I made a third.

But this one is different. She’s blind. And she’s happy. Because, almost 10 years ago, she made herself blind. Because she had BIID. And she’s the only such person known to the internet.Read More »

Special interest burnout

One of my strongest aspie traits is the “special interest” – or, in my case, interests. I definitely have a way of picking up new interests – often quite obscure – and anything that I become interested in always becomes very intense; I cannot have an interest without it turning into an obsession that changes the way that I think about the world.

On the other hand, underneath all of these suddenly-developed interests which are often quite short-lived (a month at most, usually), I have one or two longer-term ones, which tend to carry on for a few years. And then underneath those I have my greatest obsession of all, the interest that has really shaped my life and that fits in perfect harmony with my way of thinking: computing.Read More »